10 People Having a Much Worse Blue Monday Than You

By Banc

3 min read

The pseudo-science behind Blue Monday (the most depressing day of the year according to Sky Travel) is just about believable enough to have emotionally-developed and well-balanced individuals sobbing into their All Bran this morning. For those of you struggling to make it through today without having a hissy fit, we’ve compiled a list of 10 people having a much worse day at work that yourself. Because schadenfreude.

Peta Jones – Armpit Sniffer

Fittingly for someone called Peta, her job entails cosmetic testing on humans rather than animals. Working for Unilever in Australia, Peta is tasked with checking Dove, Lynx and Impulse deoderants by sniffing armpits – both before and after use.

Helge Zieler – Professional Mosquito Dinner

Zieler is constantly putting his body on the line for scientific research by providing bodily bait for mosquitos. Offering himself up to be bitten by mosquitoes in the Brazilian rainforest, Zieler helps scientists monitor the behaviour of the blood-sucking insect.

Simon Allison – Pet Food Taster

Ever wonder how dog food adverts can substantiate claims that their products are ‘doggylicious’? Well, it’s thanks to the hard work of men such as Simon Allison who spends his working days taste-testing chunks of canine chow.

Julio Cu Camara – Sewer Diver

A million miles away from the life of Tom Daly with his (bewilderingly poor) TV Specials and sponsorship deals exists Julio Cu Camara – a man who has spent 30 years diving into the sewers of Mexico City to clear everything and anything by hand. Amongst the endless human waste, car parts and pieces of furniture, Camara has also found full horses and even a human being.

Helen Southall – Grass Watcher

If you’re staring at a seemingly endless Excel file and thinking nothing could be worse, spare a thought for Helen Southall who is responsible for monitoring the growth of grass. Measuring every blade individually, Southall can monitor up to 400 grass samples a day.

Anonymous – Fart Smellers

Like an unfortunate family who have had to enter into a Witness Protection Programme, the names of the professional fart smellers employed by gastroenterologist Michael Levitt cannot be revealed. The two consummate professionals were tasked with smelling the flatulence of 16 willing volunteers and reporting how noxious the smell was.

Pattaya Crocodile Farm Trainers – Crocodile Prop

For a wage of just £4 a day, the trainers at Pattaya Crocodile Farm in Thailand are tasked with a range of rewarding jobs such as placing their head inside the crocs’ jaws and kissing the reptiles on the nose.

Mike Nestved & Carmen Velazquez – Crime Scene Cleaners

Whilst TV series such as CSI have made the crime scene police profession seem glamorous, the same cannot be said for the poor folks who have to clean up the mess. Picking up people parts and febrezing blood-stained carpets are daily tasks for married couple Mike Nestved and Carmen Velazquez.

Sylvia Tidy-Harry – Katie Hopkins’ Agent

Trying to control Katie Hopkins’ controversial, contradictory and often ridiculous outbursts must be tiring for Sylvia Tidy-Harry. Although Hopkins’ tireless pursuit of controversy ensures she always gets airtime, poor Sylvia must be forced to sift through endless emails full of anger and mire.

Karina Acevedo-Whitehouse – Whale Snot Collector

Flying a remote control helicopter is perhaps the only positive in Acevedo-Whitehouse’s average working day as she pursues whales for the mucus they eject from their blowhole, which she then takes back to her lab to examine.

…and finally, one job certainly not on this list is Banc Media copywriter. We’re currently looking for another writer to come and join me and the rest of the content team. So if you enjoy writing, tins of Fanta Orange and getting beaten at bowling, check out the details of the Copywriter position here.